Episode Description: Relationships of all kind are tremendously important to our success in life, so today we are talking to two women who can help us have better ones. Natasha is a marriage and family counselor who takes a unique and proactive approach by giving you the tools to prevent problems before they occur. Then we are speaking with Patrice who is a relationship astrologer who shows you how to learn and understand how the stars can influence you and your relationships for maximum results. For more information visit www.sharspeaks.com
Have you ever done something just to later look back and wonder “what was I thinking?” I know I have and I’m pretty sure everyone has at some point in their lives. You know the old adage, hindsight is 20/20. Or, how about “if I knew then what I know now" I would have done things differently.
What if I told you that there is a sure fire way to make better decisions? Do you think that could change your life? Here’s the thing, I can’t change your life for you. I can only give you the tools so you can change your own life, but ultimately you are the one that must do the doing.
Every choice we make has a consequence. Sometimes the consequences are good and sometimes they’re not. More importantly, sometimes we don’t realize or think about our choices or decisions until the damage is done. At which point we have to suffer the consequences which later leads to regret. How can you learn to exercise better judgment without making painful mistakes that could have been avoided in the first place?
Here are five things you can do to make better decisions.
1.10 second rule- Before you react to anything stop and count to ten slowly. This means when someone says something that you want to rip their head off for just stop. Inhale for a count of five and exhale for a count of five. Just that right there will have elevated your consciousness and provided you with the opportunity to respond wisely versus reacting emotionally.
2.Video tape test- Before you engage in an act that you might possibly regret later, think about this. If your actions were caught on videotape and sent to your mother would you be proud? If whatever you are doing showed up on YouTube or the evening news and everyone you knew and everyone you didn’t know were to see it, would you be embarrassed or would you be proud? Sometimes we don’t think before we do and then later wish we could undo it altogether. But unfortunately, you can’t undo the past but you can make better choices in the present by being present.
3.Child test- Many times we don’t have our best interest in mind. Many times we don’t hold ourselves in high regard. How can we learn to respect ourselves? Try this. Before you instantly say yes or no or allow someone to treat you badly, ask yourself “would this be good enough for my child?” Even if you don’t have or want children this method can help. Somehow we as human beings accept less or allow things that would never be acceptable our child. Be your own parent and nurture your own inner child. Then decide if what you are doing or allowing is acceptable for you.
If you utilize these three tools I guarantee you will make better choices, have more proud moments and far fewer regrets.
How often do you say, “I didn’t have a choice” or “I don’thave a choice?” If you start to pay attention to the words you say I would bet it’s more often than you think. What would you say if I told you that no matter what, you ALWAYS have a choice?
I think it is incredibly empowering to look inside yourself and say, this was my choice.Then you can accept your situation and make better choices to improve it.
Robert F. Bennett the US Senator for the Utah said, “Your life is the sum result of all the choices you make, both consciously and unconsciously. If you can control the process of choosing, you can take control of all aspects of your life.You can find the freedom that comes from being in charge of yourself.”
As long as you think you don’t have a choice you will be taking or maintaining a victim position.If you don’t have a choice, then you can’t do anything about your situation and that includes improve it.
Let’s use and extreme example of a situation where one might say they had no choice. Let’s say you’re walking down the street, when someone grabs you and holds a gun to your head. They say give me your wallet.You hand over wallet and the thief runs off. Did you have a choice when you handed over your wallet?The answer is yes, you did have a choice.I’m not saying you had a bunch of good choices, but you still did have at least two.One was hand over your wallet.The other was not hand over your wallet.Now of course you are probably thinking yes but if I would have not handed over my wallet, I could have been shot or killed.And, you know what, you’re right.However, you still had a choice.You chose to hand over your wallet and live versus keeping your wallet and possibly being shot or killed.Give wallet live. Don’t give wallet, die. There were at least two choices.Terrible choices, but choices nonetheless.
Why would we want to hold onto our belief that there is no choice?Is it so that we can be the victim, so that it is not our fault that we are in the situation we are in?Is it so that we have someone else to blame?
We can’t change other people, but we can certainly change ourselves.That’s a beautiful thing because when we accept that we do have a choice, we can change our own actions and become the person that we want to be.Noone holds a gun to your head and says this is what you must believe. This is how you must act.Even if someone was holding a gun to your head you still have a choice.
The best thing about taking responsibility for your own situation and who and what and where you are in life is that when you do, you can change it.And that is powerful.
In my humble opinion, I think there are three key elements to achieving success in business.Those 3 elements can be described in what I call the GPS system. Just like a navigational system you would use in your car to get you from where you are to where you want to be, the GPS for Success System can do the same thing.
·G- Goals. You have to know what you want in order to get what you want.Write down the end result, the thing at the end of the road that you want to obtain or achieve.Is it a promotion, a new job, or a contest you want to win?Whatever it is, write it down. This makes it clear to you and those around you exactly what you are working towards.
·P- Plan. A goal without a plan is just a wish.Just because you know what you want, does not ensure you are going to get it.That takes planning. Break down your goal into the steps you need to take in order to achieve or obtain the end result. Many times the end result or the process to get where we want to be, is enough to stop us in our tracks and we end up not taking any action at all. That is why I teach the dicing method. You break down the goal into tiny, bite size steps so that no one step is overwhelming or intimidating.
As an example, if you have a large goal that you are looking to accomplish by the end of the year, all the details to make that happen may seem like just too much to deal with, and you may give up before you even start. However, if at the very moment you set the goal, you immediately go into planning mode and break down that one year goal into 12 steps (one for each month), then break each of the 12 into 4 steps (one for each week of the month), then break the 4 into 7(one step for each day of the week), you will have a plan that makes your goal a lot easier to accomplish.
·S- Surmount Fear. We all have some kind of fear that gets in the way of getting what we say we want. Doesn’t mean we don’t want it, just means things get in our way. One of those “things” is fear. There are two types of fear. Pretty simple, real fear and fake fear. What’s the difference? Real fear can cause physical harm or death. Fake fear only exists in your head. So why is it that something that only exists in our heads, prevents us from taking action to get what we want? Perception.
Our perception of fear is what holds us back, not the fear itself. When it comes to a fake fear, like rejection, it is the projection of what MIGHT happen that stops us in our tracks. But let me ask you, even if what you thought might happen did happen are you any worse off than you were to begin with? If you are afraid to ask your boss for a raise because he or she might say no, let me ask you this. If he/she does say no are you any worse off than you started? No! So what do you have to lose? NOTHING!
Another example, there is a person you are interested in dating. You see them but you don’t approach them. Why not? They might say no, they might say go away, they might say not if you were the last person on earth and if it was up to you and he/she to continue the human race…NO, God would just have to find another way. Now, call me crazy, but I say so what. So what if they say that. Whatever they say will not cause me physical harm or death so what do I have to lose… NOTHING!
Let me ask you this. Let’s say you were rejected, turned down cold. Wouldn’t you rather know that this person is clearly not for you for a multitude of reasons than spend your life wondering what would have happened if? Anytime I have been turned down for anything, whether it be a date, or a job, or a raise, or anything, I know. I don’t wonder what would have happened if. I know. That to me is living a life of no regrets, no what if’s?
So that is my secret to success, three simple steps, GPS. You can accomplish anything if you just set a goal, make a plan and surmount fear. Sharmen Lane
Go with the flow. Choose flow over force. That’s a nice concept, isn’t it? If going with the flow is so much better and easier than forcing things to happen then why is it that we spend so much time forcing the square peg into the round hole?
It has always been my experience that things work out so much better, almost as if it was somehow predisposed, when we let things just fall into place. Even so, how do you do that when you are vested in something? I remember once upon a time I heard the author, Wayne Dyer say be open to everything and attached to nothing. Sounds interesting, but how do we do that?
For starters when you notice things aren’t going the way you want them to, stop and take a deep breath. Awareness is essential. You first have to commit to the idea that you have to be aware and acknowledge when things aren’t going the way you want them to. Then you must be willing take the step back.
There is an old book by the title of Path of Least Resistance by Robert Fritz. It exemplifies this better than anything else I’ve ever read. When we take the path of least resistance it’s like water running down a mountain. It just flows. Nature and gravity simply take care of everything.
Another great example of this is in the e-book entitled The Power Pause by John Harricharan. Life has a way of working itself out when we give up a little “control.” Trust me, I know better than anyone how hard it is to stop in the middle of something, even when it isn’t going smoothly, to take a deep breath and walk away. However, every time I do, the right answer or the solution to the problem presents itself.
At the end of the day remember one or both of these phrases, then do them! Go with the flow, or take the path of least resistance. You will be more relaxed, get more done, and you will be glad you did.
Today’s show Sharmen discusses the value of going with the flow and letting things fall into place. Many times the best things just seem to happen to us. Versus the opposite, forcing something to happen and no matter what we do it just doesn’t work out right. Today we are going to give you some signs and solutions to help you flow into success versus the stress of forcing what may not be meant to be.
Who hasn’t heard of the Law of Attraction right? Most everyone in this day and age has because of the movie The Secret. The Law of Attraction has been around for centuries. I personally have known about and been practicing the Law of Attraction for over ten years.
There are many different ways to think about this universal law. Thoughts become things, what you think about, you bring about, what you send out is what you get back, like attracts like, and many others. There is a fantastic book titled “Excuse Me, Your Life Is Waiting,” by Lynn Grabhorn. It really gives an easy and simple approach to understanding and using the Law of Attraction.
In a nutshell, feelings have vibrational frequencies. Good, happy feelings have high vibrations, bad feelings have low vibrations. Have you ever had a day that started off badly and continued to “snowball?” Most of us have. However, the opposite can be true as well. Surely, if you think hard enough you can remember a time that a day started off terrible and quickly shifted to be the most extraordinary day. Likelihood is the day that started off badly, you didn’t let it get to you and you maintained a positive disposition, allowing the day to end up great.
So, what can you do to keep the good vibes flowing even when bad things happen? That’s a great question. We all have something that makes us happy or feel good. What is it for you? Take a moment to think about all the things that make you happy. Do you have a song that you love, a childhood memory, an adult memory, a picture that just makes you smile when you look at it? All these are things that you can use as tools to pick you up when you are feeling down. That will change the vibrations that you are sending out, thereby allowing good vibrations to come back.
Here is a four step process help you choose to change your feelings and attract what you want into your life.
1.Observe your current situation and identify how you feel about it.
2.Now think about how you would like it do be different.
3.Next remember your happy thought. (Song, picture, memory, etc)
4.Think about what you want as if you already had it while feeling the good feelings of your happy thought.
This process will remind you to pay attention to how you are feeling and give you a way to focus your attention on what you do want instead of what you don’t. The worst case scenario is, you will feel more positive simple because you are thinking of something that makes you happy.
Change your thoughts, change your mind. ~ Wayne Dyer
Worry. Nothing good comes from this emotion.As a matter of fact, most of the time only bad things come from worry.Worry usually causes stress, anxiety, sleeplessness, headaches, grey hair and wrinkles.So why, do we do it?
When we worry we are doing one of two things.Either thinking about the past or projecting into the future.Neither one has anything to do with right now.I’ve been using this phrase for many years now and it goes like this. “Worry about tomorrow and you lose today”.If there is something you are worried about, stop yourself and ask, are my thoughts about the future or the past?I can almost guarantee it will be one or the other.
If you find you are thinking of the past, ask yourself if there is anything you can do to change it?Unless you have some magic time machine chances are the answer is no. Therefore, why are you spending time thinking about it?Don’t waste time and energy thinking about what happened and wishing it were different.No amount of thinking about it is going to change it.
If you find you are thinking of something that hasn’t happened yet then you are projecting your thoughts into the unknown future.That is a waste of time and energy.Your imagination is what is working here and nothing else.
In either case, if you are thinking about the past or the future, you are not being present. The sure fire way to eliminate worry is to accept, plan and take action.Whatever happened in the past isn’t going to change so accept it, find the good that came out of it and make a plan to prevent it from happening again.If you are concerned about something in the future, accept that hasn’t happened yet, make a plan to get the results you are looking for and take the steps necessary to get the desired results.
If you are worrying about a mistake you made at work yesterday, can you rewind time and undo what has already happened?NO!Therefore, accept what happened and evaluate your current situation.Then come up with a plan to correct the mistake or make it right then take action.
If you are worried about how you are going to pay the rent next month, is worrying about it going to help you pay the rent?NO!What will?Finding a way to save money and make more.Now that will pay the rent.
The next time you find yourself having the emotion you would identify as worry or concern, get present.Think about now, make a plan and take action to get what you want.
By Sharmen Lane Self Improvement and Success Expert
How often do we put off until tomorrow what can be done today? You know you should clean out the closet, or study for the test or prepare your will or trust.However, you find a gamut of other things to do instead.There are many reasons that we as human beings procrastinate. Here are the most common.
1.Anxiety.Do you have anxiety about what needs to be done and that is why you are putting it off?Typically anxiety is directly related to the beginning or the ending of a task.That’s usually because what needs to be done, seems overwhelming or frightening.How many times do you put off doing your taxes?Is that because the actual process of doing your taxes is too challenging or too difficult?Another good example is situations like having an elderly parent knowing there are certain things that need to be dealt with and you really don’t want to face it. It’s something you’d rather push back to the dark corners of your closet and not deal with it.But rarely, does this work in our favor.
2.Failure.Another reason people procrastinate.Are you not doing what you know you should do because you expect you may fail?Is it safer and easier to say you didn’t get what you want because you didn’t try? What’s the alternative?To say you didn’t get what you want because you did try but failed?I believe that it’s better to have tried and failed than to never have tried at all.Don’t you waste more mental energy thinking about doing something as opposed to just doing it?
3.Success. Yet another reason people procrastinate. Many will not do what they are capable of doing because they know it will result in success.Success is heavy and carries a responsibility with it.Are you nervous or unsure about the responsibilities you will have if you reach your goal?Is the reason you aren’t taking action?
4.Perfectionist.Perfectionists tend to take no action if they can’t do it perfectly.I have seen people who have absolutely disaster-ous home improvement projects both inside and outside that haven’t been finished.So the inside of their kitchen may be half ripped out and not functioning but they won’t do anything to fix it until they have the plans just perfect, down to every last detail.This makes no sense to me.Why would you rather live in complete and total chaos than make the situation decent and livable?
5.Resistance.Yet one more reason people put off what needs to done.If you are being required to do something that you do not want to do or do not see the value in, you may put it off until the very last possible moment or permanently if you can get away with it. Many times with school or work you have to do things you really don’t want to do. You have to take prerequisite classes for school or you have to sit through an HR presentation at work even though you have been there for 10 + years and never had an HR problem.You don’t want to do any of these things. They are annoying nagging things you need to do, but you put them off because there are plenty of things you want to do that are far more appealing.
The most common denominator here is fear. Pushing it off or procrastinating is only going to make matters worse.If there are consequences to something those consequences are still going to be there when you finally get around to facing them and they will likely get worse the longer you put it off. Ask yourself, “What am I afraid of,” and then deal with it.Many times, if not always, things are worse in our head than reality ever turns out to be.Just be honest and admit the fear, deal with it, get past it and step up and live your life NOW!!!If something doesn’t work out the way you want it to, it’s ok, you can now move on to something else.
Shar is a master at connecting with her readers. She breaks down the information with examples that anyone can relate to and apply. I recommend this book for every self-help library!
Don Hutson, professional speaker & Co-authorof The One Minute Entrepreneur with Ken Blanchard
Sharmen Lane has an energy and message that is powerful for anyone. Her book is insightful and inspiring and empowers us all to make the life we want, happen!
Shar is an impressive self-starter who has created a formidable network of fans and followers. In the realm of publicity, Shar is masterful in connecting with her audience and building a relationship over time with excellent, relevant content. Her contact base of over 10,000 already marks her as an excellent investment by any top-flight publisher. She’ll deliver in content, and she will especially deliver in selling the book. Don’t miss Shar; she is a force to be reckoned with! Sue Gilad, Author of Real Estate Millionaire and Copyediting and Proofreading for Dummies.
For most of us, job satisfaction means finding work that isn’t too much of a daily grind.
But your name doesn’t have to be Jeter, Buffett or Oprah to make going to work a pleasure. Finding work that not only pays well — but you enjoy — is possible. Your Money talked to three New Yorkers who found their way into jobs they love, and their stories demonstrate how determination and luck can pay off for lots of others.
Rachele Benloulou-Dubin, Comix Comedy Nightclub
"Rocky," as 37-year-old Rachele Benloulou-Dubin likes to be called, works with some of the funniest people in the world.
As president of Rockster Productions, she helps program six nights a week of comedy while also scouting out new talent for the Comix Comedy Nightclub on W. 14th St.
"I always wanted to be in the entertainment business," said Benloulou-Dubin. "When I was really young, I wanted to be in ballet, but I had knee problems."
After school, she followed her family into the fashion industry. Briefly. Then, she was a waitress in a comedy club.
She inched up, becoming an assistant to the booker, then moved into events production in corporate entertainment, where she arranged comedians as well as the likes of Jerry Seinfeld and Greg Giraldo. Now she makes in the high-five figures, spending much of her work time laughing.
"When I went into comedy, it just felt right," she said. "I work for the hottest, coolest comedy nightclub in the city and the most booming emerging neighborhood in the city. Part of my job is to [have others] make me laugh."
Benloulou-Dubin, who was born in Montreal and now lives in Forest Hills, Queens, plans on starting a family some day but for now is having too much fun.
"I’m not looking to go there fast," she said. "I’m having a blast."
Sharmen Lane has always had her eye on the ladder’s next rung, and now she earns her living helping others make the climb.
At 15, she worked at Little Caesars Pizza, in Southern California, often turning over her meager paychecks to her mom to help with rent. A year later, between her junior and senior years in high school, she trained to be a manicurist, work she loved until she discovered a pay ceiling of about $50,000.
Lane spent most of the 1990s learning the mortgage industry and, by 2003, was earning more than $1 million a year as a sales manager at a financial services firm, arranging home loans with mortgage brokers.
"I don’t know that there’s any job better than one that empowers others to think outside of the box," said Lane, who lives in Turtle Bay in Manhattan.
"It doesn’t matter who you are or where you came from. You can do anything you want if you know what you want, set your goals, make a plan and take the steps necessary to make it happen. I think that this is the most amazing job that anyone could ever have."
Bruno Jamais, Bruno Jamais Restaurant Club
Fifteen years ago, Bruno Jamais came to New York from Paris with a few thousand bucks and a brain full of recipes.
Today, at 47, he owns more than half of the Upper East Side restaurant featuring his name and earns in the high six figures.
"I wake up every day and feel that I’m going to do what I want to do," Jamais said. "It’s a dream job."
Jamais grew up in the kitchens of his father’s restaurants. After a military hitch, Jamais worked in Paris as a maitre d’ and manager before coming to New York. Once here, Jamais "got very lucky," and got work in two of the city’s toniest eateries: Daniel and Alain Ducasse. He made contacts who financed his own place, on E. 81st St. between Fifth and Madison Aves.
Serving French food with an Asian accent, and featuring a wine list whose offerings run from $40 to $9,000, the restaurant has won acclaim in its six years.
Having conquered the New York culinary scene, Jamais has a new goal in mind. Cryptically, he allowed that it will blend three of his loves: food, antique cars and, most importantly, his 24-year-old daughter, Jessica. A veteran of the Paris restaurant scene, she plans to come to New York to help with his next project.
